Hi, Danna. I read this first thing this morning, even before letting the pups out, and it’s been rolling around in my head all day. Isn’t it mind-boggling the intimacy we can safely share when all we have are our words, tugging on our hearts. I’m honored that you would open such a personal window to me through your words. I don’t know if you are that open to new friends IRL, but I’m not usually the guy people (read: women) confide in. If something the least bit personal comes up, I make a joke. And that explains a lot, because with Grace, a joke was always the next step to deeper intimacy.
Obviously, I never intended to make you, or anyone else, sad, but I see what you mean when you say you are sad but happy for me. Everyday, I see people falling in love, being in love, loving their lovers, and I am truly happy for them, but sad.
“Had” and “never had” are not the same thing, but sometimes they can bring you to the same place. I don’t mean to equate my loss to your heartache for what you haven’t (yet) found. I’m just saying I sometimes cry at others’ happiness. I will always treasure the love Grace and I had, and, as you say, the love I still have for her. I think it was, is, and, if Grace is right, will again be something extraordinary. I will never find another love like that again.
I hope you do.